Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
