Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
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When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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