8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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