I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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