you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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