Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He shit in the fireplace
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