I never want to see another naked old woman again.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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