Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
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My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
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Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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