Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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