sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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