If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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