dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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