is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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