i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
