Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
