I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
