id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
