if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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