I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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