you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
