im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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