apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
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Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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