"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
