I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
