Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
