Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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