I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
