You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
