I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
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