Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
