who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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