3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
