my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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