Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just tell him i said nine months
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
