It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
