Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
