I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
