dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
