Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
