"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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