I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This toilet bowl is my home.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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