"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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