you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
