low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
