last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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