did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
