ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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