i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
