he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
