i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
