I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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