i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
