i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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