I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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