Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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