Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
