this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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