well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
