Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
