420 ftw
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
