What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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