Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You are a genius and a whore.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
