She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
