I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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