Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
