i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
