if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
