It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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