Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
