I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
