he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
