Got a toothbrush?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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