Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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