Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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