Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
