Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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