you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
